Trevor Noah slams Taylor Swift NFL conspiracy theories in rockin’ Grammys 2024 monologue

Trevor Noah nailed his opening monologue at the 66th Grammy Awards Sunday night — lacerating NFL fans complaining about Taylor Swift and alluding to conspiracy theories about her.

Noah, 39, used a chunk of his frenetic opening remarks during the telecast to address the controversy about NFL fans who are whining about Swift’s presence at Kansas City Chiefs games — featuring her boyfriend, Travis Kelce, who’s now going to the Super Bowl on Feb. 11 — because the cameras cut to her reactions to Kelce and his team, which fans claim takes away from game coverage.

“Can I just say something? I think it is so unfair how NFL fans have been complaining about the cameras cutting to Taylor Swift, like she’s controlling the cameras at the games,” Noah said, standing near Swift, who got a kick out of his remarks.

“Let her live, let her live,” he continued. “In fact, tonight, on behalf of Taylor, I’m gonna give her a break. Every time they mention Taylor Swift, I’m gonna get revenge.

“Every time they say Taylor Swift, I’m going to cut to someone who played football,” Noah said — as the Grammy cameras cut to former NFL player Terry Crews, now the host of “America’s Got Talent.” Crews played for the San Diego Chargers and the Philadelphia Eagles, among other teams.

“Ooh, you like that, Terry Crews?” Noah joked. “You better fix your face, Terry! We’re watching you all night, Terry!” Noah cracked, as the cameras showed Swift and Crews laughing. “We’re watching you all night — no relaxing for you!”

“Do you work for the CIA?” Noah added, alluding to conspiracy theories abounding about Swift, including one far right theory that she will show up to the Super Bowl to endorse President Biden. “Oh, by the way, I can read lips [Terry],” Noah said. “Watch what you say.”

Swift’s obvious joy at hearing Noah’s jokes about her NFL appearances was quite the opposite to her reaction during the Golden Globes on Jan. 7 — when host Jo Koy, who took heat for his lame monologue, took a shot at Swift on the same topic.

“The big difference between the Golden Globes and the NFL — on the Golden Globes we have fewer camera shots to Taylor Swift,” Koy joked — causing Swift to shoot him an icy glare as she sipped her drink.

When Swift first walked into the arena, Noah joked that “we should do this every year. Say people and they walk in. As Taylor Swift moves through the room, the local economy around those tables improves.”

He added: “Lionel Richie is now Lionel Wealthy.”

Noah commanded center stage in his monologue, which he kicked off from outside the Crypto.com Arena in Los Angeles. “Tonight, we’re coming to you live from the City of Los Angeles, where the local population has just survived the unthinkable … rain.”

“We’ll have a moment of silence for them later.”

After a performance from Dua Lipa, Noah was back, pointing out all the stars in the audience — when he was interrupted, in a good way, by the entrance of Meryl Streep. Her son-in-law, Mark Ronson, married to Streep’s daughter Grace Gummer, was nominated for Song of the Year (“Dance the Night” from “The Barbie Album”).

As Noah was mentioning that Ronson is Streep’s son-in-law, Streep walked out to wild applause and kissed Noah on the cheek. “We know what that means,” Noah said about Streep’s appearance, as she sat down. “The Grammy is gonna win an Oscar! I don’t know how!”

Noah also took a shot at TikTok after Universal Music Group pulled all of its artists from the huge online platform after licensing deals expired. “The TikTok CEO is eating ice cream crying,” Noah said to appreciative applause from the audience. “Shame on you TikTok for ripping off all these artists. How dare you do that?

“That’s Spotify’s job.”

Noah also joked that the Grammys “are the only concert that actually starts on time” and cracked wise about Olivia Rodrigo, who was performing her hit “Vampire.”

“I can’t see what you rhyme with ‘blood sucker’ on national TV!” he joked.

Noah, the former host of “The Daily Show,” is no stranger to the Grammys; Sunday night’s Grammys was his fourth consecutive time hosting the telecast, which aired on CBS.

Last year, Noah took a shot at Prince Harry’s “frostbitten penis” while referencing a section of the royal’s bestselling memoir, “Spare,” while introducing James Corden.

“James Corden is a 12-time Emmy winner and host of ‘The Late Late Show,’ ” the comedian said, while sitting next to Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck — who looked “miserable” during the ceremony.

“He’s also living proof that a man can move from London to LA and not tell everyone about his frostbitten penis,” Noah said.

In his book, Harry wrote that he suffered a frostbitten “todger” during a trip to the North Pole in 2011.

In opening the Grammys in 2022, Noah took a veiled shot at the infamous Will Smith-Chris Rock slap at the 2022 Oscars, too.

“We’re going to be keeping people’s names out of our mouths,” he said — an apparent (and subtle) reference to the incident.

In his 2021 opening monologue, Noah joked about the Jan. 6 insurrection in Washington, DC.

The 2021 Grammys were held outside the Los Angeles Convention Center due to COVID restrictions in place at the time.

“Tonight is gonna be the biggest outdoor event this year besides the storming of the Capitol,” Noah joked.

He also targeted the royal family: “There’s more tension in that tent than at a family reunion at Buckingham Palace,” he cracked.