Nicole Kidman recalls ‘struggling’ after Tom Cruise divorce despite 2003 Oscar win: ‘I went to bed alone’

Nicole Kidman remembers the hours after her 2003 Oscar win, which weren’t pleasant.

The 56-year-old actress won the Academy Award for her role as Virginia Woolf in “The Hours” opposite Meryl Streep and Julianne Moore, but despite taking home the statuette for Best Actress, Kidman felt at her worst.

At the time, Kidman had finalized her divorce from Hollywood’s titular leading man, Tom Cruise, after 11 years of marriage.

During her acceptance speech, she appeared so distraught that she couldn’t hold back tears.

“I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well,” she told author Dave Karger in his new book “50 Oscar Nights.”

“That’s what happens, right?” she went on.

“Russell Crowe said don’t cry when you get up there and now I’m crying,” she recalled of the moment that should have been a highlight of her career. The “Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom” star was unable to pull it together before her time ran out and she was played off the stage, causing her to end the night entirely.

“I’m not a big party girl, so I was going to skip the Vanity Fair party, and everyone was like, ‘You’ve got to go. You’ve got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award,’ ” she told Karger. “I said, ‘That just feels like gloating, and it doesn’t feel humble.’ Like, what? You can’t walk through carrying the award! That feels really inappropriate. They’re like, ‘That’s what you do.’ “

The pressure to be seen weighed on the star, and she attended the party despite being emotionally unprepared.

“So I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking, and I didn’t enjoy it,” she added. “I was almost apologetic, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more.”

Once alone, Kidman was struck with her emotions and realized she was eager to find “love” again.

“I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel,” she told the author. “I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed. That’s when it hit me. I went, ‘I need to find my love; I need a love in my life.’ Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours.’

“I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight,” she added. “If I ever won again, I’m telling you, I’d be out for 24 hours.”

Love would find the “Bombshell” star again in 2005 after she met her now-husband Keith Urban when the Aussies both attended a G’Day USA event in Los Angeles, which showcases the best of Australia in the United States.

On her 38th birthday, six months after they met, the country crooner, 56, surprised her with a bouquet of gardenias in front of her home in the early hours of the morning — and the rest is history.

“That is when I went, ‘This is the man I hope I get to marry,’ ” she told People. “I believed by that point he was the love of my life.” 

The couple married a year later in Manly, Australia. They live in Nashville, Tennessee, where they are raising their two daughters, Sunday Rose, 14, and Faith Margaret, 12.

“I met him later in life and it’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” she told Gayle King in 2022. “That man is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

In July 2023, they celebrated their 17th wedding anniversary.

While Kidman has yet to win another Oscar, she did win the Golden Globe for best actress for her role in “Being the Ricardos” in 2022 — with Urban by her side.