Don’t stop ‘Fat Bottomed Girls’ from making the rocking world go round

Fats bottomed women are apparently not allowed to make the rocking world go spherical.

That’s, at the least based on streaming service Yoto, which just lately re-released Queen’s “Biggest Hits” album with observe 5 — the long-lasting “Fats Bottomed Women” — manifestly omitted.

This callipygian ode — what as we speak can be thought-about a physique positivity anthem — comes nowhere close to the edge of offensive or obscene.

But the “Fats Bottomed Women” debacle is simply the newest occasion of classics being censored to appease fashionable sensitivities. Actually, traditional music and traditional books alike have been retroactively sanitized lately to “shield” youngsters.

Dr. Seuss’ property went so far as to yank six titles — together with “And to Suppose That I Noticed It on Mulberry Road” and “On Past Zebra!” — from print in 2021, citing supposedly offensive content material within the image books.

And, over the a long time, Richard Scarry’s traditional kids’s books have been retroactively tinkered with repeatedly by sensitivity readers. Editors sought to counteract gender stereotypes … by making a policeman bear a policewoman bear, and swapping out an illustration of a mother cat pushing a stroller for a dad cat.

Not even “Charlie and the Chocolate Manufacturing unit” is secure. In a brand new model launched by Penguin Publishers, Roald Dahl’s traditional calls Augustus Gloop “monumental” quite than “fats” and options gender-neutral Oompa Loompas.

However, in a traditional instance of censorship backfiring, authentic editions of Dahl’s ebook began promoting for 1000’s on eBay following the information, and Dr. Suess’ blacklisted titles shot to the highest of the Amazon charts.

Maybe “Fats Bottomed Women” will see a resurgence, too.

The entire Queen ordeal is fairly laughable contemplating a lot of the songs that high the charts as we speak make “Fats Bottomed Women” sound as innocuous as “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”

As somebody who was introduced up within the period of YouTube and music streaming, I do know firsthand that almost any music you could possibly probably think about is on the market at your fingertips as a child — whether or not the censors prefer it or not.

 Take, as an example, Megan Thee Stallion’s 2022 smash hit “Plan B,” the primary verse of which declares, “Pricey f–okay n—a, nonetheless can’t imagine I used to f–okay with you, popping Plan B’s as a result of I ain’t deliberate to be caught with you.”

Or who may neglect Cardi B’s 2020 smash hit “WAP” — quick for … uh, look it up. Some selection lyrics: “pay my tuition simply to kiss me on this …”

Contemplating how a lot they twerk, it’s uncertain Cardi B or Megan Thee Stallion can be offended by “Fats Bottomed Women” — they’d take it as a praise.

The “Biggest Hits” album’s itemizing on Yoto comes with a parental discretion warning about references to medication, violence and grownup themes … and but nonetheless goes on to censor one of many band’s most iconic tunes.

However, whereas “Fats Bottomed Women” obtained axed, 16 Queen tracks did make the minimize — together with “Good Outdated Long-established Lover Boy,” by which a dinner date is propositioned, and “Bicycle Race,” which features a reference to the forbidden fats bottomed women.

Given the music they grew up on, it’s troublesome to think about any child as we speak even flinching at a Queen traditional.

Anybody attempting to kid-proof the world will discover themselves in a continuing recreation of Whac-a-Mole.

It’s time for the censors to chill it — and let dad and mom determine what’s appropriate for his or her kids, particularly in relation to cultural classics.

It’s nice that Yoto desires to assist youngsters discover old-school rock. But when getting the following technology to interact with classics is the aim, they need to be offered of their authentic type, not some sanitized model.

Regardless of our greatest efforts to childproof the world, youngsters rising up with iPads of their grubby arms are inevitably going to return throughout “offensive” content material.

We have to educate youngsters how you can take care of that actuality — and to give up this misguided campaign to rewrite the previous to guard them from it.