Baldur’s Gate 3 patch puts the dick back in the box

I find it irresistible when video games provide the potential to decide on your genitals. Not due to the manifestly apparent attractive causes however as a result of, when video games provide the potential to customise The Items, it virtually at all times results in patch notes just like the one we obtained in the latest Baldur’s Gate 3 hotfix.

Warning, this shall be barely Not Protected For Work

By Larian Studios’ rely, the hotfix addresses over 300 bugs and points, together with one it put proper on the prime of the “Gameplay” part, letting you understand this explicit problem was on the tip prime of builders’ minds. The hotfix reads:

“Penises C and D not clip by way of some githyanki clothes.”

Properly, thank Tyr! I imply, actually, how am I imagined to get something carried out round Faerûn if penises C and D maintain clipping by way of my bespoke githyanki attire. Oh, you haven’t seen bespoke githyanki attire? Right here’s some, courtesy of Lae’zel.

Penises in video video games are nice as a result of they’re at all times clipping by way of one thing. A few years in the past, Cyberpunk 2077 hadn’t gotten good yet, however everybody was nonetheless speaking about it as a result of it was primarily “Dick’s Out: The Game.” Conan Exiles grew to become notorious for its genital choices as a result of not solely did the sport allow you to select the scale of your breasts or penis however it additionally utilized its physics engine to your genitals, so at any time when your character mannequin flopped round with its ragdoll physics, guess what else was flopping around?

The patch, which additionally provides gnomes the flexibility to put on underwear once more, ought to be obtainable now, so make sure to activate recreation updates.

Humorous as this all is, although, I do even have one severe factor to say about genital choices in Baldur’s Gate 3: they don’t go far sufficient. With penises, there’s solely circumcised or uncircumcised, with pubic hair or with out, whereas the one vulva choices are grass or naked pavement, for those who catch my which means.

I perceive that, with the sheer measurement and variability of Baldur’s Gate 3, the builders needed to pare down the sport’s choices someplace. However simply as you may customise nearly everything, proper right down to the colour highlights in your Tiefling’s horns, it is best to be capable of customise your junk. I don’t wish to go full Conan Exiles with sliders and the like. But it surely’d be good, affirming even, if BG3 genitals had extra choices, like a vulva with an enlarged clitoris, or a vulva with a puffy labia, small penises, massive penises, or perhaps a scrotum-only possibility. Moreover, this can be a fantasy recreation! Why are my choices so boringly human? The place are the barbs? The place are the enamel?

Baldur’s Gate 3’s character creator is a implausible step in the fitting course for creating a really inclusive, various character creator. The straightforward indisputable fact that these genital choices should not locked to a gender is price celebrating. I simply hope that, sooner or later, if some developer needs to provide us The Items, they take into account giving us some magic weapons as a substitute of primary gear.