Chelsea Handler isn’t just petty and hypocritical — now she thinks she’s a white savior

Something miraculous happened in the wake of the ruthless Kevin Hart Netflix roast.

Chelsea Handler suddenly found a set of pearls to clutch.

Yes, that Handler who rose to fame with her unsparing and withering insult comedy, which spared no sacred cows.

Now, after a lifetime of offending; well, everyone, the abrasive abortion enthusiast has deputized herself the head of the Joke Police. How rich it is.

The 51-year-old comedian appeared on Wednesday’s episode of “Deon Cole’s Funny Knowing You” podcast to whine about the jokes in the Hart roast; reserving all her vitriol for Shane Gillis and Tony Hinchliffe.

“I knew enough about Tony and Shane — they’re racists, they’re bigots, they’re sexist,” she said.

She complained about a lynching crack Gillis made about Hart.

“Lynching Black people is not a joke,” Handler said. “It’s worse than rape.”

She criticized the pair for thinking they were invincible because they had both had weathered industry cancellations. Handler also took aim at the “Tires” star dropping a very dark joke about comedian Sheryl Underwood’s late husband, Michael Sparkman’s suicide.

“Sheryl’s husband killed himself,” he said. “Apparently Black does crack if it’s married to Sheryl and it jumps off a f—king roof.”

Handler said the joke was “gross…I wasn’t fine with that. There was so much disgustingness, I knew it was gonna be a gross vibe.”

Underwood was fine with it, but who cares how she feels. Handler is the new white savior, who speaks for all black people.

Meanwhile, Underwood appeared on Gillis’ podcast, “Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast” this week, explaining that deeply personal jokes about her late husband provided a catharsis through humor and presented an opportunity for men, particularly black men, to have a conversation about mental health.

Despite it all being so icky, Handler took the check and the opportunity to be center stage.

The Netflix roast of Tom Brady in 2024 was a real watershed moment, washing away all the residual gunk from our hypersensitive woke era. And after Hart’s turn, it felt like our culture was in a healthy place. Comedians were making dark, edgy jokes again. The jabs were brutal and raw.

And all political sensibilities were hit.

In the special, Hinchliffe made a joke suggesting George Floyd was “looking up” at them from hell. While addressing Hinchliffe, Pete Davidson delivered a cruel line invoking Charlie Kirk’s fatal shot in the neck.

Viewers on both the right and left complained about the respective jokes on X, which indicated that a job was well done by all.

More importantly, no one was sent to the social guillotine. Not that Handler didn’t try to march Gillis and Hinchcliffe there, nearly two weeks after the fact.

The purpose of a roast is to hit hard and in all directions. Plus, there’s a certain fun in seeing which celebrities can both give and take a punch. It demonstrates a level of humility.

Handler, however, revealed herself to be thin-skinned and bitter.

Perhaps I missed the brash broad being strapped to the couch and forced to listen to the horribly offensive material. Why didn’t she disavow the whole thing on stage?

Instead, she went after Gillis and Hinchliffe. While trying to stick it to the pair, she erroneously said that the two comedians performed at the controversial Riyadh Comedy Festival in Saudi Arabia.

Otherwise, she gave as good as she got.

Perhaps she was smarting from Gillis pointing out that she attended an intimate dinner with Jeffrey Epstein and a few other celebrities including Katie Couric, Woody Allen and Prince Andrew.

The get together took place after the sex offender had been charged with soliciting an underage girl 2008.

Comedy roasts aren’t for everyone. It’s okay. Maybe Handler is just losing her edge.

Her schtick about being a liberated, motherless alcoholic loose lady is getting old. But Handler insists she is secure while continuing to complain about her competition.

“I’m doing exactly what they’re doing, except I’m a woman and I’m allowed to. I’m rich, I’m famous, and I’m hot, so I’m f—g people. That’s what I’m gonna do, and I’m gonna continue to keep doing that as long as I remain as f—able as I am,” she said, sounding like a woman grappling with her fading youth and relevance.

Gillis took it all in stride.

“This is a big moment for Chelsea. I’m glad she’s capitalizing. We’re all rooting for her,” he said in a statement to the Hollywood Reporter.

Make no mistake: Handler’s criticism comes not from a place of care for others, but rather professional jealousy.

It’s obvious that she felt upstaged — and for good reason.

Because she was upstaged.